TAH: How do I answer his questions? (kids mentioned)

I am sitting here relaxing and snuggling with my 8 year old son. He is filled with questions and is worried about me. I didn't realize how much this surgery was effecting him and maybe even his brothers. How do I help calm his worries and questions when I myself am filled with concerns? Any help would help. Thank you and I really look forward to hearing from you because right now, he won't leave my side for anything whatever and wherever I go. Thanks--Kris

I go in on monday and my sons are 7 & 4 my oldest is asking alot of questions today and I Just told him that my tummy hurts and they are going to fix it .He asked me if I was going to get cut and I just said yes but dont worry I wont feel it ...He has the weirdest look and said why wont you feel it so I told him they will make me go to sleep so I wont even remember it .But I will hurt when I get home so you will have to help me alot ( hehe had to get that one in there )but it wont be that bad cause I will get meds to take away most of my pain .and he was fine with it all .
We do alot of swimming as a family and the past year I have had to tell him that I havent been able to go so often cause my tummy hurt .Couldnt tell him it was because I would bleed all over the pool lol .Just that my tummy hurt thats all they need to know and the dr is going to fix it all up .I think they can be very strong little people if you let them just dont give to much info and tell the truth.
He will be fine .
Best of luck and see you on the other side.
~sherrie~

Although my kids were older than yours (teenagers), they still wanted to know that I would be okay. I reassured them as much as possible. I wanted to explain what was going to be done and what the recovery would be like, but my boys really didn't want to hear it. My daughter wanted to know everything. They were all very relieved when the surgery was over and I was back home, safe and sound.

We do have an article, "Telling Children about Hysterectomy," you may find helpful. And perhaps you might write your children a cheerful note to read while you're in surgery, something to let them know you were thinking of them.

Children are pretty resilient, but it is hard to be comforting when we need to be comforted ourselves.

My six year old is the same with asking alot of questions. I try to be honest and let him know that when I come home I will not be able to do alot for a while, without going into alot of detail. He knows that I am having an operation & will be sore & he has to be careful with how he hugs me, but I will be OK. He is more concerned that I will be away from home for a few days & has told me he will bring me all the water I want when I come home-My DH & I gave him this job so that he will feel helpful.

The calmer and lighter the adults in the family are, the more reassured the children will be. How much information to divulge is entirely dependent on the children..their ages, comprehension, etc. I remember a couple years back dreading 'the talk' with my oldest daughter. She'd been asking so many questions and I was prepared to go the distance if need be. LOL All she really wanted to know was how do you tell girl & boy babies apart!

We didn't tell our girls (9 & 11) until just couple days before the surgery. We wanted to give them enough time to process and ask questions beforehand but not enough time to obsess (I was doing enough of that for everyone! LOL). I left my pre-op booklets on the kitchen table about what to expect, anesthesia, recovery, etc--*they were not overly graphic*. If they wanted to read them they did. We didn't push. Our oldest devoured all information! They were with me at check-in for the surgery because they wanted to be and they seemed able to process it. The hospital staff did a great job explaining to the girls everything they were doing to get me ready (cap, gown, IV, leg cuffs, etc).

My oldest was fascinated because she is on the brink of starting periods and the inner workings of the female body is utmost on her mind. My youngest just stayed close. They both thoroughly enjoyed "loopy Mom" after the surgery when I was on all the heavy pain meds!

I know how we handled it with our demeanor, speech and body language made all the difference. Of course, the kids will still be concerned but that is part of life too .

My little one is too little to understand (she is only 17 months old) but I think she knows something is up. Tonight I was doubled over in pain from the prolapse and she looked up at me and asked "mama boo boo?" How cute? I told her mama has a boo boo in her belly. She then proceded to lift up her shirt and show me her belly ...LOL!!! But after I had told her that I had a boo boo she wouldn't leave my side. DH tried to put her down to bed and she kept screaming for me. Needless to say I got up despite the pain and went in to her room to rock her. Once she had her mama time she was okay. Do you think I was wrong to tell her that I had a "boo boo"? She is so observant and she seemed so concerned. After she asked about my boo boo over and over I "lied" and told her my boo boo was all better and that seemed to make her happy. Then she wanted to cuddle and then she went to bed. Hmm.. can they understand that something is wrong so young?

My surgery is on the 27th and that's my son's 10th birthday. He's been curious about my surgery and since my dh and I have always been open and honest with him, we've told him that I'm having a hysterectomy and that the doctor will be removing my uterus and ovaries. I've told him it will be done with a robot and found a picture to show him and he thinks it's pretty cool. He doesn't act overly concerned about the surgery, he (and I) are bummed out that it's happening on his birthday, though