I am seeing a common theme here on the road

and it is bugging me bad. Keep reading posts about doc's who are unresponsive and worse, resentful when a patient is educated, assertive, informed and knows what is in her best interests. {{{Anjie and Judester}}}}

I've been there, carefully compiling a summary of my numerous surgeries, diagnoses, and test results and having it brushed off. Really makes me feel discounted. I know what it feels like to be in misery, want help and just want to cut to the chase. In fact, I did tell my one fertility doc "Cut to the chase already! Will this drug and insemination have a better chance of producing a kid or not?" Took him a bit by surprise LOL! Boils down to wanting to hear the answer to "can you help me or not?" before making the first appointment. I don't want any more of my time wasted with ineffective drugs, tests, therapies or surgeries. That's why I research so much. What these docs forget is I pay for 20% of every test, therapy, office visit or session and expecting results is not unusual. I am a consumer of medical services. Same principle apply but no customer satisfaction guarantees.

I might drive to Jeff's office and give him a big smooch tomorrow for treating me with some respect. And trust me, Jeff is in the minority doing that. And he is such a sweet-natured guy too. Wish everyone here had docs like him. Wish I had more docs like him or I could go to him for everything.

Yes, that sure does seem to be a common theme here on the Road. I guess if it weren't we wouldn't have a need for this forum as we would all be fixed.

I do have a doc similiar to your Jeff, we'll call him Doc Cutie . He has tried more than any other doctor that I've been to, I've lost count on how many that is. He has never ever dismissed my pain. Unfortunately he to has run out of suggestions for me.

Do let your doc know how much his help has meant to you. A simple thank you card would be nice. I've done that with Doc Cutie. He even took the time to put it in my file.

If we don't let them know how much their help means to us, they may change and become like some of the others.

ONE, TWO MANY TIMES.. IT GETS OLD AFTER A WHILE..

MY GYN. NOW, I REMEMBER ALL TO WELL THE FIRST DAY I WALKED IN HIS OFFICE WITH MY DH AND WE SAT THERE FACE TO FACE AND I TOLD HIM "I AM SICK OF DRS. LYING TO ME AND MY FAMILY AND TELLING ME THAT THEY MAY BE ABLE TO HELP OR MAYBE NOT." HE JUST LOOKED AT ME IN SURPRISE AND THEN I TOLD HIM "SO LETS GET TO THE POINT, CAN YOU HELP ME OR NOT, IF NOT I WILL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND EVERY DECISION THAT IS MADE WILL BE MADE UP TO ME AND NOT YOU.. I AM THE PATIENT AND I AM TIRED OF THE LIES." THAT IS WHEN HE TOLD ME I NEEDED A LAPRO. DONE TO LOOK FOR MY SEVERE ADHESIONS.. BUT THAT IT WAS UP TO ME TO DECIDE.. AND OF COURSE SIX WEEKS LATER THE HYST..

DO YOU KNOW I GAINED ALOT MORE RESPECT OUT OF HIM BY STANDING UP TO HIM THAN BEING TIMID AND SHY. NOW I HAVE A DR. WHO LISTENS AND BELIEVES ME WHEN I SAY I AM IN PAIN AND ACTUALLY TRIES TO HELP.. I EVEN GOT TO MEET HIS FAMILY..

I JUST THINK WE AS WOMEN NEED TO STAND UP FOR OURSELVES AND TAKE CHARGE AND IF THEY DONT GIVE US WHAT WE NEED THEN TO THE PIT WITH THEM AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE.... YEAH!!

THANKS FOR THIS POST.. I FEEL BETTER NOW....HUGS NICKY

P.S. I CANT SEE WELL SO I USE ALL CAPS.. SORRY I AM NOT YELLING.. OK MAYBE A LITTLE....LOL

ladies,

it looks like we may all have similar docs. my doctor has told me from day one that he works for me. which at the time seemed a little unusual but, not it's the attitude i take with every doctor i see. because essentially they are working for us and as with any other service or product, if we are not satisfied with what wet receive....we have to move on. i have always been able to make the ultimate decisions with my health care because as the good doctor also said "it's your body, you do what's best for you. i'm here to give you information and options. i can give you my opionions, but the final decision is always yours.". my Gyne. and i have not always agreed on everything, but he has always respected my decisions and he is has always made himself available to me whenever i have needed him, even if it were just to answer a question. more doctors should realize that patients are people with minds who will no longer just follow doctor's orders any more. we are an informed, educated public who want to know the reasons and what-fors when it comes to our health care. more importantly, today it pays to open your mouth and speak up for yourself. and we should not be afraid to....especially when it comes to our health.

......jene

Know exactly what you mean - you read my story! I've got several just like it.

However, I am blessed with a doc I call: Miracle Worker Doc - however, he's no longer a practicing surgeon. But he does manage my health care. He helped me pinpoint problems with some of my medication and has directed me to a few helpful treatments.

He's the one I'm going to appeal my case to Friday.
I wish they were all like that. Unfortunately, his case load has increased and I can see the burnout creeping in. It makes me sad and afraid at the same time.

I personally couldn't do what they do. I have a friend who's a doctor in Chicago - he's an Orthopedic surgeon and he likes tools. That's why he became a doctor - to work with neat tools and help people. Me and another friend asked him how he handles those that go wrong from surgery - he said: I'd go crazy if I didn't send them on to a neurologist or pain doctor and just move on. I help those I can and try to shrug off those I can't.

I understand what he means...but it sure does hurt when you're the one that: went wrong....by no one's fault...just happened. Nothing fun about it...that's fer sure!

That's why I'm thankful I can rave here...or I'd go nuts!

I agree totally, but I know there's a few out there that are not like that (dismissive and obnoxious) - I just wish I knew where a good surgeon like that was!

And...it is crushing to have a doc for a long time (esp ob-gyn) who dismisses you. And it's hard to understand when you're in so much pain. I've had a terrible time letting go of the anger...and I still haven't let go completely. If I think about it...I get sooo mad. But my energy is needed elsewhere right now. I'm tired of bawling my eyes out over every person who mistreats me. And it's a waste of time to try to get a dismissive doc to treat you. At least that's my experience.

I'm soooo tired!

((((MeDHanddaDog))))

I have been to so many docs over the past few years...and I guess my skin started to thicken, when I was under the care of Gyn #1. She told me I probably didn't have Endo...I could tell she wanted me to move on to another doc, etc. She agreed to do a lap (first one ever)...and it was then that she discovered Endo everywhere. She removed what she could...then Lupron, and her hands were washed of me. She left me in such a low state. At that moment, I knew that I had to be my own advocate...and then I found this place...and sisters like ((Anj)), ((Kim)), ((Sheri)), ((you)), and ((so many more)), have held my hand...given me the strength to carry on.

I have found that 'most' of my docs like my assertive approach. My neuro doc for one...I can tell he really respects me...same with the Uro-Gyn. I will not be that patient who sits there nodding my head, agreeing to everything anymore. I am so much stronger now. Sadly, that comes with years of being bullied around by medical professionals. I guess I owe them something in a way.

Thank God I have a few really good docs. I'd be so lost without them. And Thank God I have all of you to support me in my darkest moments. Sometimes I feel lik a lost child in the woods on this road...and then sure enough one of my sisters is standing there with a light to guide me out of the darkness...

S to my sisters on the road...

I've read so many posts that complained about lack of information for a doc or lack of concern. I wonder if (maybe because of liability issues) the docs are hesitant to "volunteer" information. My first doc, as I have described, was about as lame as a service professional could be. I wouldn't accept that kind of behaviour from my auto mechanic, and haven't had to. However, by the time I made it to the second doc, I was armed with information and solid questions (because of this website). I knew terminology. This information made be bolder to ask questions. I realize now, very little was volunteered even by the second doc, but she answered all my questions when I posed them. Was she waiting for me to ask first?

The old days of the kindly doc that 'takes care of everything' is over and isn't this part of the package a lot of us started years ago when women began demanding more rights. Well, here us baby boomers are (most not all) facing this part of our lives and we are not like our mothers. We know things our mothers didn't want to know. So, I say, step up to the bar, take responsibility and find out for yourself. The old saying "If you want something done right do it yourself'. I don't want to perform my hyst, but by the time my date comes around I may technically be able to because of what I am learning from this site! Without this place I don't know where I would be in this process. Not a day goes by that I don't turn to my SO and say "I am so glad I found out what I need to know so I could choose a better doctor". It gives me nightmares to think what it would be like to go into this blind.

I wonder if there are other forums like this that deal with other physically issues/surgeries. Like by pass surgery, or even setting a broken leg. Seems to me it is an important part of our future to learn on our own.

well and then there's my gyn partners, who were nice one day charting out a plan of action for my adhesions and four weeks later saying they never said it, at all, that i had no gyn problems any longer and there was nothing more they could do for me (after saying they were going to get a surgical team together!!) and could I pull the door shut behind me on my way out??? That's after 6 years of treatment with her office!!!

then my GS insisted on having her there for my laparotomy and she was condesending right up till I was being knocked out, funny thing happened after surgery tho', she started being all nice again and checkin on me everyday so she must've changed her mind........her and her partner were always up and down like a "u know what" anyways........but the day I was to be discharged from the hospital she came to the door of my room and held out her hand for me to shake and said "see you" not call if you have any problems, best of luck, nothing.......just "see you" and walked away.....

if I hadn't been proactive and went to see the GS on my own that surgery would've never happened and I wouldn't have the bit of relief that I currently have.......don't give up girls, no matter what they say or how they treat you, if you know in your heart that there is something wrong, you go girls!!!!

you know the arrogance and nerve of some doctors just blows my mind..... and really honkerblonkes (sorry) me off. i wonder do some of them just think we are stupid or what. in this day and age anyone who is not proactive when it comes to their health care is not (IMHO) seeking the best health care opportunities for themselves or their families.

like i said my Gyne. really started the ball rolling with me when he told me that every patient should take an active part in his/her health care. at one time i was hesitant when it came to asking questions of doctors "challenging their authority" so to speak. but not any more, i will open my mouth now to ask questions, for more info., or why....without hesitation. and i am all the better for it.

i trust my Gyne. totally. he respects me and treats me as a person, not just as a patient. no complaint is too small to be mentioned and no question is too trivial to deserve an answer. he tends to go that extra mile when it comes to his patients. it's because of his dedicated attitude that i found out i had Hep C. before it had done much damage to my liver. this man has found the time to call me from the hospital in between surgeries to answer questions for me. he's called to check on me after he found out i made a trip to the ER and saw another doctor on call. it's things like this that make me have such respect and admiration for him. all doctors should treat their patients as they want their families treated.....this is another thing he has said to me.

so doctors don't think we are going to sit idely by and follow your instructions with a blind eye. the days of doing that are fading away. more and more people are becoming proactive when it comes to their health care. and i for one say its about darn time!!!

......jene

you know the arrogance and nerve of some doctors just blows my mind..... and really honkerblonkes (sorry) me off. i wonder do some of them just think we are stupid or what. in this day and age anyone who is not proactive when it comes to their health care is not (IMHO) seeking the best health care opportunities for themselves or their families.

like i said my Gyne. really started the ball rolling with me when he told me that every patient should take an active part in his/her health care. at one time i was hesitant when it came to asking questions of doctors "challenging their authority" so to speak. but not any more, i will open my mouth now to ask questions, for more info., or why....without hesitation. and i am all the better for it.

i trust my Gyne. totally. he respects me and treats me as a person, not just as a patient. no complaint is too small to be mentioned and no question is too trivial to deserve an answer. he tends to go that extra mile when it comes to his patients. it's because of his dedicated attitude that i found out i had Hep C. before it had done much damage to my liver. this man has found the time to call me from the hospital in between surgeries to answer questions for me. he's called to check on me after he found out i made a trip to the ER and saw another doctor on call. it's things like this that make me have such respect and admiration for him. all doctors should treat their patients as they want their families treated.....this is another thing he has said to me.

so doctors don't think we are going to sit idely by and follow your instructions with a blind eye. the days of doing that are fading away. more and more people are becoming proactive when it comes to their health care. and i for one say its about darn time!!!

......jene